It’s impossible to communicate what it feels like when a doctor says there is something wrong with your new son. No matter what they say after that initial reveal, the earth splits open and you fall in. The doctors told us that one of our boys, Lucas, has a small hole in his heart. That’s where the earth opened for me. Never mind that he said It’s very common and happens to a lot of premature babies. It’s called ventricular septal defect (VSD). It will (hopefully) close up on its own after a few months… Still, the earth opened and I fell in. It’s a feeling of helplessness. I can’t do anything to protect my new son and it’s awful. It was exacerbated by walking in and seeing blue lights shinning down on his tiny little body.
Another very common side effect of premie babies they refer to as Bilirubin. Just the day before, as I walked through the NICU and saw blue lights spilling from room to room, I thought how grateful I was that my boys didn’t need that. Well, so much for stress free dad. I’ve since renamed the bililights as “Blue Lights of Hope”.
But after having the doctor explain the situation 3 more times, my unrelenting google searches, and leaving the hospital to get some air, I climbed back out of the hole. Leaving to get some air gave me time to let it all out, stop, take a breath, and asses the situation. It sucks, yes. But both Lucas and Elijah are going to be fine. Every day the nurses tell us how great they’re doing. I think the nurses all have crushes on my boys. But who wouldn’t?
Thankfully my lovely wife, Jenny was released from the hospital. When we got home we found this.
My neighbors created the most awesome signs EVER!
We brought this one over to the #BrunoBrothers lair at the hospital. It’s a big hit.
I’m so grateful to all the people that have shared their love and support. I promise my boys will grow up knowing how they are loved by the social media family.
The force is strong with my little Padawans!